I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
