There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
