Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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