i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I looked at my own cervix.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
