Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Text me some of your sweat
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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