She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
