How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
