Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
