I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
