he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
