kristin has been a bad kristin
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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