she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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