She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
