This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
