sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
