I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
