She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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