I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize