Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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