I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
