his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
