Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
