Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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