Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize