You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
