Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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