do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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