He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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