It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dicks are not precious.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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