Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
