I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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