You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
