arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
