Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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