weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
