I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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