It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
