This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
