Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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