saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
