I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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