i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
