My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
