you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
