Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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