I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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