I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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