I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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