speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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