New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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