he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk is a universal language darling
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