I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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