Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
