"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
