go do what you do best...puke behind churches
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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