She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
