Only a mothe r could love this liver
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
