It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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