i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
