I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?