I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic