yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.