i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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