i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What drink are we having for lunch?
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way