I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.