I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in